居場所
by sandriz
Summary: [ibasho] 1: whereabouts; place; location; 2: place where one belongs; where one fits in; place where one can be oneself


It had taken her three months and 23 days to get where she was now. She had woken up in a house with Serah, in a sunny new world and a future filled with hope. There were flowers outside, a coffee maker in the kitchen and Snow had woken up just a few blocks away ready to take care of her sister.

Ironically, the only thing missing had been Hope.

It was never that she didn't want to find him as soon as possible. After all those centuries, all that searching and worrying, it had simply been hard to pull herself away from Serah. The occasional images of Bhunivelze crushing Hope's small body in his hand that came to her at night made her hesitate at first. One night Serah found her in the kitchen unable to sleep and she had simply said "You need to go find him", and that was it. That had been two months and three days ago.

The new world was vast. Never-ending, one could almost say. She had experienced eternity, seen the whole universe and all of time, yet a world she would call home had never been so big. Cocoon was a small sphere in the sky, nothing had ever been far away, wherever you were. Now she had been riding train after train, visiting countless towns on her search before finally arriving at this point.

Two weeks ago her search had born fruit. She had found an address. A house titled according to a name she knew so well. She'd written a letter faster than she'd ever imagined she would and eight days later she'd received a reply.

"Rose leaf road 5, Blanc Chateau.

–He's waiting.

Bartholomew Estheim"

Leaving the station behind, the moon far up ahead even during daylight, her steps felt light. It felt like she was coming home. Like a new journey would begin there, something she had waited for. Never been able to consider herself worthy of before now. But he had given her a second chance, he had pulled her out and saved her, he had said they'd meet again.

She was on her way to see him.

It was a small house by the side of a long, tree lined road. She smiled as she saw the weird scientific instruments lying around the small garden and the stacked boxes next to the wall. The mail almost falling out from the mail box made her relieved she had found his parents' address.

The doorbell made a buzzing sound. The silence after she had pressed it was deafening, the smile on her lips almost hurting her face. But it felt good to smile.

There was a thump, some loud steps and then the door swung open. Before her stood a version of Hope she had seen from afar but never met. His light eyes widened as he took her in, mouth falling slightly agape at the sight in front of him.

"I'm home."

She barely had time to finish the words before she was pulled against his chest, arms holding her so tightly she felt like she'd be crushed. But he was warm, and he smelled oddly familiar. Her head felt comfortable on his shoulder. But he didn't wish her welcome home.

"I looked in every way I knew... But you- how did you-"

The words where mumbled into her hair in an almost desperate way and it tugged at her heart. "I asked around", she answered and his soft laughter tickled her ear and made her eyes slid closed. A hand stroked her hair as they pulled away, the words "You never cease to amaze me, Light" warming her heart.

He pulled her inside, apologising for the state of his apartment. She had always seen Hope as a very orderly and devoted person, so the stacks of unwashed dishes and clothing lying around did stick out. It only made her realise she was stepping into areas she had never experienced before, learning new things about her partner, even after a millennia.

He swiped some books off the couch and pulled her down to sit next to her. He kept staring at her like he stil couldn't believe she was actually there and it made her skin tingle in a way that wasn't entirely comfortable. His eyes told her she should've found him faster, that she shouldn't have waited so long to start looking.

But she took the opportunity to look at him. His height had her looking up, his hair was still as silver as ever, swept to the side and surrounding an older version of a face she was so very familiar with. The face of a boy who had been through hell with and without her several times in a world that was only a memory now.

"I tried everything-", he started, his eyes now wandering. "registers, social media- I'd almost given up." Another small smile spread across her lips. He was exactly the same, all science and knowledge. All she had done was walk out the door.

"I'm so happy you found me."

They talked for hours. He wanted to know everything about her life so far in the new world. She told him about waking up close to Serah and how that must have been the most relieved she'd ever felt in her whole life. She told him about the small town by a lake she'd already started liking. How her sister and Snow had found each other easily, how only Fang and Vanille were left to be located now, but that she was sure they were together somewhere.

"Like we are now", he mumbled, still not letting go of her hand.

Hope had woken up in a large house with his parents not far from where he lived now. The reunion had been warm and he'd had so much to tell them, but in the end the feeling that he had to get out had arrived fast. Now he could see them any time, but he was used to life without them. To life alone.

She nodded in understanding, knowing perfectly well how years of forced solitude affects oneself. As he moved on to the research he'd been doing his eyes lit up again, the hand not holding hers waving and explaining about the wonders of this new world that he had only begun to discover. Species he had never seen before, natural wonders he could've barely imagined. They'd been given a world with a long history before them, he'd noticed, but if that history was all created right before they came here or if there had been previous inhabitants for real were some of the mysteries he couldn't wait to uncover.

She listened to his enthusiastic voice without tiring. All she could think was how thankful she was for his existence. How if they'd been bound to end up there so long before they were even born she was glad it was with him. There was a weird sense of pride for a second covering the ever-present guilt.

Hours later a grumbling stomach made them order take-out, never leaving the sofa before the doorbell again buzzed. Eating to stay alive had been something to get used to again, and she knew Hope must have dealt with the same thing. Forgetting that his body needed the nutrients to stay alive, that he didn't live on some magical life force anymore.

"Serah's been teaching me to cook", she mumbled between bites.

"You did say she was good at it", he remembered.

"Maybe I could... cook for you tomorrow..." She looked away. "...if you're still interested in trying it."

An honest "I would love to, Light!" made that warmth spread in her chest again. "But it might be hard to find Behemoths in this new world." She playfully smacked him on the head, grinning at his words.

It didn't come as a surprise. She'd almost expected something like it. As soon as Hope's painful moans through the wall and cries woke her up she shuffled off the sofa that had been made for her.

He was completely tangled into his sheets, a grimace of pain on his face and fingers gripping the side of the bed while clearly still asleep. She'd expected it, but seeing it hurt. There was a cold filling her from inside at the same time as worry made feel strangely numb. The way he'd tried delaying going to bed every time either one of them had yawned made sense now. Carefully she placed her hand on his shoulder, softly shaking him.

"Hope. Hope, wake up."

He didn't react however, only shifted a little, another painful groan escaping his lips. She suddenly understood what it was his eyes had shown her earlier. Exhaustion. She shook him a little harder.

"Hope. Please." Her voice was stern.

He suddenly started awake, pulling away from her touch and shuffling to the corner of his bed in an instant, eyes wide open. It must have taken him a few seconds to orientate himself, as she could see as his shoulders slumped and his eyes closed again barely moment after the shock.

"...Light."

"He's gone, Hope."

She sat down on the edge of his bed, still leaving space between the two of them. She could barely imagine the horrors he could be reliving every night but it wasn't hard to understand what a toll it was taking on her partner. It hurt. It hurt to think that he'd had to deal with it all alone for so long. It hurt that he had those memories in the first place. It hurt that she had never noticed Bhunivelze had been using him that way.

Hope relaxed against the wall with a sigh.

"It's..." He started and she couldn't help wanting to hear what he was going to say so badly. "It all started coming back a few days after arriving here."

That meant the memories of those years with Bhunivelze had been in his heart, not troubling the Hope in the ark. That was relieving in a twisted way. She nodded quietly, hoping he would see it and take it as a sign she was listening.

"It doesn't bother me when I'm awake, it just ... happened. The dreams however, just got worse and worse and... I couldn't keep waking my parents up, so I left."

Her hands were clenched into fists on her lap.

"So... Mostly I try not to sleep. Because then I have to relive it. I'm just so tired, Light."

How she wished she could redo everything. Go back all those centuries, change things. Make sure Chaos was never released in the world. Make sure Bhunivelze wouldn't wake up. Hope's soul was the last one she saved, but how she wished she could've done so earlier. What kind of a saviour is one who couldn't protect the one person who had become the most important to her after Serah?

But she knew things had to go this way. She knew it was all inevitable. And for the most part the end result was beautiful. Maybe they still had a long way to walk before they would be completely free of Bhunivelze, but they had a new beautiful world... And hope.

She hadn't noticed the tear rolling down her cheek until she tasted the salt as it reached her mouth. "I'm sorry", she mumbled and before long she found herself pressed against Hope's larger chest once again.

"No, Light. You have nothing to apologise for."

His hand felt soothing in her hair.

"I am the one who could never thank you enough. And I'm happy I could be there with you, at the end of our world."

"And I wouldn't be here now without you." Her words sounded weird, muffled by his shoulder.

"Only because you saved me first", he chuckled and it was a beautiful sound.

"See, we're both hopeless without each oth-", he continued and suddenly started laughing. It vibrated through his warm body and she had to pull back to look at his face.

"Well, especially you. Pun actually not intended." She had to hide a silly grin and pretended to punch him in the head. Pointing out how extremely lame that joke was, she turned around and leaned against the wall next to him, their shoulders touching. Somehow the contact just felt very comforting, she didn't question it.

She felt like for once she should be stronger, she should know how to help Hope, how to make things better. Like so many times before she felt useless. He was the one unable to sleep because of those painful memories and yet here she was, crying on his shoulder. Had it been a monster to slay she would've known exactly what to do, but this was the ghost of a monster she had already slain.

Over those last thirteen days she had listened to so many people in pain, helped them to come to terms with their monsters. But has she learned anything that could ever help her now? There was no diary to find, no more lost relatives to locate nor any medicine she could deliver. But...

"What are you thinking about?", he mumbled.

"If there's... anything I could do."

His hand covered hers between them.

"You found me, Light. You already did a lot."

"I know how to listen. I can listen every day if you need me to."

He chuckled again and it sparked warm tingles in her.

"Thank you. I promise not to demand payment. Does that mean you'll stay?"

She could feel him looking at her. Slowly she turned her hand around under his and entangled their fingers. Memories of the last time she'd tried to do so flashed by in her head but she shook them away, tightening her hold on his hand.

"If you want me to." She looked up at him this time. His eyes were locked on her and it felt quite like she wanted them to be. It was familiar.

"With you here I'm never afraid, Light."

If her presence could help Hope in any way she would stay exactly as long as he needed her, if not longer. Serah was safe and happy and could be visited any time. She still had a purpose, something to complete. Someone who needed her, a place to _be_. And she thought right there, that if Hope achieved happiness in this new world, then that's what would make her truly happy as well.

"Though, Light, I'll still have these dreams", Hope now mumbled and what else was there to expect? She wasn't a remedy made from ever blooming flowers.

She nodded a little.

"I know. But for once, time isn't running out. Keep your eyes front, Hope", she finished with a smile.

He squeezed her hand, then stroking it with his thumb.

"I will. You keep watching the rear."

Her smile was bright and genuine.


End file.
